On Motherhood

Yes, she is finally here! She made her appearance on June 18th at 11:09 PM. All sense of time was lost for me at that moment. I am finally getting used to the unusual sleep schedules, and feel a bit more like myself, but I can't get over how much I've changed in the last month. She has changed me. And so quickly. I didn't know that I would immediately become 'helen homemaker', but it happened! Gentlefolk, I have started to knit for her. If that isn't love, then I don't know what love is.
Tonight I realized that I feel like I have a family now. And having something so precious and hard won is very scary for me. I don't think I've ever felt like I have more to lose than I do now. I have never loved so completely, so quickly. I have never done so much for someone else without grumbling under my breath. I think I'm becoming a bit self-less! :) Unbelievable!
She is here beside me now, sleeping between her mommies. Her breath is light and fast. I can feel her slowly waking up, her body reacting to the pangs of hunger. I am honored to have her snuggled up to me even though I do not hold her blessed sustenance. She knows how to give me just enough attention to keep me thinking that I may have a chance of being a special someone to her one day. I hope that I am.
And I promise to her every day that I will try to be the best mother I can be for her. And that I will love her more with every breath, and until they stop, and even after that. Amen.

The Simplest Things...

This evening I got out of the house for a while to attend a dharma talk at my local Shambhala Center. The website said the talk was on creating motivation. I didn't really know what to expect, but I knew I needed to take this opportunity to focus on my practice since I've been neglecting it as of late. I didn't expect it to be a packed house, but it was, and my anxiety kept me from feeling comfortable as more and more cushions were crowded into the modest space in order to accommodate all the bodies. Once everyone settled in and the speaker began, I forgot how crowded the room was. Moh Hardin was a calming and engaging speaker, and the words of wisdom that spilled from his lips gave me new hope and new direction in my everyday mindfulness. The gist of his talk was the true path to happiness. He quoted Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche when saying that thinking of yourself is the road to misery, but thinking of others is the road to happiness. He concluded his speech with one request. That each one of us, huddled together in that too small room, start out every day with the intent of wishing happiness to every living being. That this one small "prayer" could propel our actions and our lives to a higher purpose. That this simple thing could lead us closer to the bodhisattva.
Now, I am not a lover of large gatherings, especially when there isn't a familiar face in the whole room, but for the first time in my life I think I know why people go to church. The whole room felt alive with love and compassion. A christian would say 'the holy spirit'. The feeling nearly brought tears to my eyes. That this group of people could make such a difference in the lives of so many, and played forward, the entire world, by a simple, loving thought. All is not lost...

Win Rice for the Hungry! Have Fun!

I could sit and do this all day, but I have a paper to write.... try it out, but i warn you.. it's addictive! I'm up to 1600 grains today! Whohoo! I wonder if that's a full bowl?

What I always knew in my heart....

You Are Gonzo the Great

"Is something burning in here? Oh, it's just me." You're a total nutball who will do anything for attention. The first to take a dare, you'll pull almost any stunt. You're one weird looking creature, but your chickens don't mind!

The Muppet Personality Test

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A Bananie free weekend is like drinking diet coke

And i hate diet coke... really, anything diet. If it doesn't have real sugar in it, i'd rather just go without. Sweet Bananie is having to say goodbye to her dear aunt this weekend, and unfortunately i wasn't able to go with. i'm sad that i'm not getting to experience her hometown with her again. it was so nice to see the hometown kid come out the last time. But instead of drinking yuengling and eating home made gnocchi at Hector's with my love, i'm pet sitting and trying to make a mental list of all i want to get done while i'm flying solo. i have enough to keep me busy for a month, i think, but i'm going to try to pack it all in to one long weekend. Wish me luck. i'll need it.
My heart is with Bananie and her family this weekend. I hope that my prayers give them peace.

Everything is a bit better with some Port.

So today i've been a bit blue, ok, pretty blue, well, more like hiding in bed and hating myself for it kind of blue. After being that blue, a girl can get a little peck-ish, but not just any nibble will do... i had a craving for my old 'blue night special': some port and a big-ass salad. i have all the makings for my big-ass salad, but i lacked the port. this little item was of such import in the whole scheme of dinner that i actually got out of the house for the first time today to procure it. a miracle in itself. i was so set on the sweet, comforting taste of port seeping into my blue little tongue that i actually went to two liquor stores before i could find just the right bottle (aka a bottle cheap enough for my $10 allowance so graciously given by one sweet Bananie.) thankfully, the port is working its magic, and i think i have the patience to tackle making the salad. perhaps i won't be so blue after a good dose of greens.

The Dangers of East Side Pup Walking

Since i now have TWO READERS i feel an obligation to try to blog every day. Anyway, it's becoming a nice new way to procrastinate...

Before i sat down to blog in order to practice my procrastination skills, i took our four (!) pups for a walk in our east Austin neighborhood. They behaved magnificently considering that they haven't been for a walk in almost a week, and we all got to take in an extraordinary rainbow-at-golden-sunset-moment. (i felt sad for the pups not being able to fully enjoy the rainbow with their less-than-perfect color viewing skills... i hope they got to see at least a couple of the 7 tasty skittles colors.) All the neighbors were out, and we passed by in perfect formation, saying our hellos, wagging our tails.
The pups continued their stellar performance by all doing their business at the 'no dumping- city ordinance' sign/ natural area. i had to keep them away from the 3 or 4 trash bags that were broken open and leaking very damp trash and various housewares everywhere. at least the couch was gone.
The sun was setting, and the fireflies were starting their evening light show, and i told the pups that we were on our home stretch.. just down the hill and homefr.....
wait. what is that? the pit bull that's usually chained outside the last house on the right is coming towards us with it's ginger-colored accomplice. We stopped short, and i fought off my immediate reflex to turn and walk up the hill, but i knew that if i showed any weakness it would make the whole situation worse. So i stood my ground, and the four poor dogs were forced to stand with me. The most aggressive dark brindled pit approached. First he moved towards the big dogs, then thought better of it, and circled to my right and went towards Lucy, the smallest and oldest. A swift kick to the meaty head sent him back a few feet, and then, thankfully, a big truck came by and to our rescue. The man driving honked his horn and made the dogs scatter, giving us just enough time to detour down a side street. Oh my, so close! Thank you, neighbor!
We regrouped and made it back to dear old Garland. All in one piece. Lucy said she could've taken him. I'll let her believe that!